Sky Blue at Sunset
by darth tasuki
Summary: As the Tokugawa era draws to a close in light of the Meiji Restoration, Hitokiri Gentatsu ponders the actions that have led to so much bloodshed. A first person inner monologue about the most important dead person in the Kenshin movie.


Author's note: I wrote this a while back after a bad day at school. I hope it's not too crappy, and I hope some people have actually seen the Kenshin movie so they know what I'm writing about. It's about time more people write from the forgotten guy's perspective. So yeah. Hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think.

*Disclaimer: These characters are not my property; they belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki and JUMP comics. Don't sue me for the few pennies I don't have.*****

Sky Blue at Sunset

"Konichiwa," smiles the young girl. She is seven, perhaps eight. Her black hair is tied up in a large bow. Her kimono is festive, and she is obviously ready for a festival or ceremony. The smells from her house tell me that a wedding is planned. She is so innocent. How she reminds me of my younger sister, who is only four years old. Her brown eyes reflect the cherubic patterns of her youthful soul. I am a stranger to her, but she welcomes me anyway. Kindness sparkles in her large orbs, and her cheeks are red from laughter. I try to smile back at her, but my conscience will not allow it. Instead, I look down on her, wondering.

A shadow crosses her little face. "Is there something wrong?" She can see through my thin mask of calmness. Worry furrows her tender brow. 

I shake my head. Everything is wrong, my mind whispers, but you are too young, chibi-san. Preserve your gentle innocence while you can. Soon, much too soon, it will be all gone. 

She is fooled again. "If nothing's wrong, don't look so sad! Smile!" I try to oblige her, but my heavy heart is too weighted down. I shake my head again. "Are you hungry? Please, come inside!" She beckons to the warm, festive room behind her. 

I turn my back and walk away. She will find out, only too soon. I have faced so many battles in my short life, but I do not have the courage. I have seen men gutted, strung up like dolls on my own katana. I do not have the courage to tell her that her father was one of those men. 

I lead the burdened life of Hitokiri. People fear me and run away from me when they see me in combat. My heart cries out at this. Yes, I kill people. Yes, I am a manslayer. Yet they cannot know the true thoughts of my soul. Sometimes, I feel like I don't know them. But I continue to fight. As the Tokugawa era vanishes into a new era, I continue to fight. The Meiji Restoration is wrong. They struggle to bring peace to this ravaged country, yet they are corrupted and evil themselves. I must fight that evil. I can alter the flow of history. I can help these people, help my nation. For this world. For my country. For my friends. For my family. 

I honor the memory of my family. I loved them. Now, all I have left is my precious little sister, Toki. She is a rock to me, firm and gentle in this tide of blood that threatens to drown us all. The Aizu clan is in turmoil, like the rest of the country. I will protect my clan. I will fight for what is in my heart. There is no right. There is no wrong. There is only my soul, crying out for what I believe to be justice. I will stand up for that. There is nothing on the face of this planet that can sway my mind. 

I love nature, and fresh air on my neck. My mind rejoices at the clear blue sky, and my body rejoices at the softness of grass underneath my tired, blood-stained feet. Though I kill, my heart weeps. I cannot explain it. I must kill, because there is nothing else. There is a void where there ought to be laughter, a pit where there ought to be joy. My heart is a shell, eternally hardened because it could not bear to see me do such things. I can kill, because of this shell. I can carry out my duty, my duty that should cause me to weep and mourn forever. I pray that Toki will never have to feel this sorrow. She has been sheltered, but she is still young. 

As I am young. Yet my sword carries the blood of countless warriors. My heart and mind are scarred with a soreness that can never be erased. How can this happen? I have only recently stepped from the comforts of my home. There are places in this world where I would hardly be considered a man. I would be shamed for causing so many to die. My family, the Takatsuki... my clan, the Aizu... we would be dishonored until the end of time. But I am not in another place. I am in Tokyo, Japan. It is during the Meiji Restoration, during one of the most brutal and bloody battlefields my country has ever known. 

So I fight on.

I sit on the grass, feeling the wind caress my face. The grass is warm and a little wet. I will not mind grass stains. At least it is not blood. My companion sits down next to me. His blue hakama will be stained. He does not mind. He smiles at me. His green eyes are pools of knowledge and friendship. Shigure is my friend. His long brown hair, tied into a flitting ponytail, dances with the breeze. I smile back at Takimi Shigure. My friend.

"Shigure," I say softly, letting the warmth of the sun try to push the darkness from my heart. "I love the blue sky over Mount Bandai."

"So do I," he agrees with me. His stern mask dissolves for the beauty around us.

I breathe deeply, knowing that no matter how much fresh air I have, it can never wash the scent of blood from my lungs. I wish life could be tranquil, like this mountain. The sky mirrors my blue eyes. Not many people in Tokyo have such pale eyes as I have. They make me seem innocent. I wish I could feel that way. When in combat, I am a killing machine. There is no pretense of innocence about me. I kill people. My katana drinks their blood. These pale blue eyes drink in their deaths. I can never forget.

"The blue sky must be high and clear no matter how far away it is." My killer's eyes soften. I am Hitokiri Gentatsu. Blood stains my soul. But the sky is beautiful and unchanging. Clouds cover it, and people block it out with shelters, but the sky will always be clear. Beyond the raging storms, there is peace. It is far away, but it is there. It must always be there. "The whole world," I let my gaze shift back to my friend. "Should be like that." 

Shigure looks at me. I wonder if he understands how I feel. He is a little surprised to hear me say such things. I bear the name Hitokiri. I bear the blood of a people so numerous I could not even begin to count them. But he tries to understand my heart. I am glad, Shigure, glad that the taint of anger has not corrupted you yet. The day that you fight for something unjust should never come. If it does, I will weep at your side or toss in my grave. You fight for what you believe. No one can take that away from you. 

I inhale the scent of the pine trees, knowing it will soon be replaced with the scent of battle. Yes, even a peaceful place like this cannot remain virgin from the horrors of war. 

I must have a very wistful expression on my face. Shigure is examining me with concern. I shake my head slightly. He cannot know what I feel. We fight for the same cause, but our hearts can never be unified. I am different. Yes, Shigure, you are my friend, and a fine friend. But you do not carry the burden I have on my heart. Perhaps one day, you will understand.

I hope that day will never come. Do not ever experience what I have felt. 

"Are you all right, Gentatsu-san?" he asks. 

I want to smile and tell him that everything is fine. I want to tell him that I love life. I want to feed him lies to prevent him from worrying. But I cannot. I swallow and look at the white clouds before I can respond. "I want to see my sister," I say finally. "I want to see Toki. She is the one ray of light I have left. I want to be sure she's safe."

"She is safe, Gentatsu-san," he tries to reassure me. "I have been to see her. She is safe."

I hold up a hand. "I want to see her," I repeat. "She is my sister. Let me see her." 

Shigure nods. We will go see my sister. She is all that I have left.

As we begin to walk down the mountain, I glance at my friend. He seems preoccupied. I wonder if he is thinking about his father. His father is very ill. I can tell Shigure cares, but I do not know whether he cares more about his father or the newest threat from the Meiji. That bothers me.

"Gentatsu-kun! Gentatsu-kun!" Toki is laughing and smiling at me. Her black, short hair brushes her shoulders as she runs to hug me. My face is false as I smile back at her. I am happy to see her, but she reminds me of another little girl. A girl who thought her father had come home for the wedding. As I look into Toki's azure eyes, I see the shattered face of that little girl, horrified and sobbing. 

It is a face I have seen too many times.

"Toki-chan! How are you?" I smile, shoving memories into the back of my mind. They do not belong here, as I speak with the last member of the Takatsuki line other than myself. 

"Genki desu," she smiles toothily. "I miss my big brudder."

"And I miss my sister." I wrap her in a hug. She is precious to me. Do not ever find out what horrors I have experienced, Toki-chan. Please keep your heart clean. "I have something for you." Her eyes widen with pleasure and anticipation. I reach into my sleeve and draw out my gift. It is a little fan. She admires it greatly, thanking me profusely. It shows birds flying against a clear blue sky. The birds fly high and true. I give it to her with a wish in my heart. I wish that if she is ever discouraged, she will open the fan, and like the birds, let her heart soar. She hugs me again. I smile at her. How can she know that that smile contains all the wishes I have ever wished, all the dreams I have ever lost.

Shigure stands a little apart, looking on. I don't care if he thinks I am silly. He doesn't seem to understand my open love for my family. I wish you could be with your family, Shigure. Maybe someday you will.

We are going to fight, soon. The Satsuma and Choshu will meet. Sakamoto will be their intermidiate. I will not tell Shigure yet. I wish to forget the blood for a moment. I wish to have peace in my soul. I stand on the bridge and talk to Shigure. Maybe I can pour out my sorrows and refresh my soul for the coming night. 

"What's the matter, Gentatsu?" He is concerned, I can tell.

I gaze out at the sun-touched water. "I can't sleep at night," I say quietly. My heart burns as it has never burned before. "The men I've killed have mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers." I turned to look at my friend. "They have people they love." My head bows as I look at my hands, stained beyond repair. "I keep thinking about that." 

I return my thoughts to him. I ask him about his father. What was in the letter he received? He tells me his father has gotten worse. But he cannot think about that when there is the country...

I shake my head. He still doesn't really understand. "Toki," I say so that he can hear me easily, "is all that I have left. That's probably why I feel this way. But," I eye him deliberately. "You cannot be ashamed of loving your family. If you do not love your family, you have no qualifications to care about your country or the world. Do you know why I use my sword despite being called Hitokiri?" I feel sadness cling at my heart. I look coolly at Shigure, asking him with my eyes to understand. "It is because of my friends, the memory of my family, and for Toki. I want the people I love to be happy."

Shigure just looks at me. I wonder if he's being sympathetic or if he just doesn't understand. I quietly nod to myself. I almost hope you never really understand, Shigure. Never feel the pain I feel. I am afraid your soul would ask for vengeance. Please, Shigure-san, never feel the need for vengeance. Old things pass away. Feel sorrow, but learn from that sorrow. I scrutinize him once more before turning back to the water. "Shigure, if I leave soon, please take care of my sister. I do not want her to be scarred, as I have been." He looks at me as if to ask, where are you going? I look at the sea. I do not know. I just cannot be at peace with my soul. Toki, I shut my eyes and think, take care of Shigure. We can bring peace to this country. The blue sky must be high and clear, no matter how far away it is. The whole world should be like that. I open my eyes. 

I can make the future.


End file.
